Mother loved cheese. In fact it was one of her favorite food groups. Her palate was not very sophisticated so if you asked what her favorite cheese was, she would answer with a definite:
Velveeta, of course!
If you know anything about Velveeta, then you know it is known as a “cheese product.” This means it has lots of ingredients, many of which you probably have not heard of. Long, multi-syllable ingredients that sound rather artificial. Velveeta is not a real cheese but many people, including our mother, have been absolutely entranced with it.
Now I hear there may be a shortage of Velveeta and fans of the product, especially those who also love football, are clamoring for the much sought after pretend cheese. They are calling it “Cheesepocalypse”. No Velveeta for the special Super Bowl dips? What’s a person to do? Thank goodness our mother is not around to hear about this because she would throw one of her royal fits!
No Velveeta? You kids had better by God find me some or else!
Growing up, Mother usually had an old box (yes, just like cheap wine, Velveeta comes in a box) in the refrigerator. Because she flunked homemaking, she never learned the proper technique to food wrapping. The cheese product itself came wrapped in aluminum foil but you had to cut off the slab you wished to consume. This meant the remainder of the cheese would need to be re-wrapped so as not to get crusty and icky.
Mother was too busy shoving hunks of the pretend cheese into her mouth while standing in front of an open refrigerator to re-wrap the cheese. Thus, the next time you wanted to have some Velveeta, you would have to cut off the crusty parts. Most of the time, my sister Abby and I would skip the cheese in favor of some real food, if there was any available.
Thankfully we do not have to endure her outrageous behavior over a shortage of pretend food and although we both have been known to eat Velveeta, our palates are much more refined than hers. I am also thankful that she had enough sense not to name one of us after her favorite cheese.
I much prefer the name Lindy to “Little Velveeta”!