The First Step

12_steps_of_aa-080131aAdmitting you are powerless over your addiction is not something Mother would ever readily admit. She was addicted to food, cigarettes, alcohol, pills and something just as devastating: negative behavior. But throughout her entire life, she never faced her addictions. Instead, she put the blame for her behaviors on everyone else around her.

My sister and I were her most frequent targets for this blame game.

Mother had an ability to make her problems your problems and thus your fault. She loved to play the blame game with just about anybody she ever knew.  Of course, Abby and I were her favorite targets. You could bet that each and every day, Mother would blame us for a variety of things.

Mother always labeled me the whiner because I would ask every day when we were going to eat. She did not like following the traditional role of mother and so our mealtimes were somewhat erratic on the weekends. I guess expecting meals three times a day was expecting too much. However, since her cooking talents were known far and wide as lethal, I guess I was just trying to figure out when I should consume the bottle of Pepto Bismol.

Abby was more the silent type and hated to confront Mother about anything. Neither of us enjoyed being Mother’s center of attention because the consequences were always unpleasant.

What Mother viewed as strength, others viewed as bullying. Her impaired perceptions did not allow her to view herself realistically in the mirror. She resided in Fantasyland long before her trek to California!


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