The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the second day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

Have a very Poe ChristmasOn the third day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the fourth day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the fifth day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the sixth day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the seventh day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • seven cans of Spam
  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the eighth day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • eight kinds of headaches (aka hangovers)
  • seven cans of Spam
  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the ninth day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • nine temper tantrums
  • eight kinds of headaches (aka hangovers)
  • seven cans of Spam
  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the tenth day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • ten kinds of crappy candy
  • nine temper tantrums
  • eight kinds of headaches (they were totally hangovers)
  • seven cans of Spam
  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

An unsheared Christmas tree in New York State ...On the eleventh day of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • eleven reasons to stay sober
  • ten kinds of crappy candy
  • nine temper tantrums
  • eight kinds of headaches (her hangovers)
  • seven cans of Spam
  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

On the twelfth day Of Christmas, Mary gave to us

  • twelve hours of indigestion (turkey cooked with rancid bacon grease)
  • eleven reasons to stay sober
  • ten kinds of crappy candy
  • nine temper tantrums
  • eight kinds of hangovers
  • seven cans of Spam
  • six Bismarck puffs
  • five old dresses
  • four plates of divinity
  • three stuffed dates
  • two fruitcakes filled with liquor
  • and a tree filled with presents from the past (toys of ours that she had taken away and hidden months before, then re-wrapped for Christmas presents)

 

Leave a Reply