Welcome to the Courtesy Van, Now Sit Down and Shut Up

There are many varieties of commercial dog foo...Abby and I were not “made of money” either, as Mary loved to tell us about herself.  After her request for money was made, we decided to send a list of possible jobs for them.  The list, which was based on their “skill set” and interests, included:

  • running a boiled peanut stand
  • selling dog food from their porch
  • babysitting (which her grandson objected to)

When we ran the ideas by our dad he came up with the best (and funniest) idea of all.  His suggestion was for them to be Courtesy Van drivers.  Now this was beyond humorous on so many levels.  Mary was not known for her courteous ways and Tom was a man of few words.

Also the fact that Tom was an alcoholic might play a part in his ability to be successful. We imagined the likelihood of him drunkenly crashing the Courtesy Van into something or someone.

We also could only imagine Mary yelling at the customers when they got on.  “We are not going that way today.  You all need to sit down and shut up! We’ll drop you off when we’re ready.”

We sent the ideas to Indiana and later could almost hear the bellowing from 600 miles away.  Mary, who had asked for money, was insulted that we would even suggest they work.  “Didn’t you know we were retired?”

I guess she had forgotten that she was the one who had her hand out.  And we were the ones who dared to tell her no.  Time for her to learn that “The Bank of Perpetual Help” had closed its doors.

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