Happy Holidays Fat Ass!

rotary phoneMother was the queen of insults. She never kept her opinions, no matter how hurtful, to herself.  In a similar vein, you may understand the workings of her mind when she decided one of the best gifts she could send to Abby and me was Fat a charming product called Fat Buster’s Tea.

Now Abby and I have been in perpetual states of dieting for most of our adult lives. However, we always take a break from healthy eating at the holidays. Imagine how we felt when opening our gifts from Mother on Christmas morning and being slapped with tea for fat asses!  As fast as we could dial up each other’s phone numbers, we were on the phone laughing and giggling over the gift of “Fat Ass Tea”!

Later on Christmas day when we each had the (dis)pleasure of speaking to her long distance, we inquired as to the insulting gift.  In standard Mary form, she answered that she knew we both needed help, so why not drink your way to a healthy weight!  Little or no effort required, so she thought it would be perfect.  To say this logic was insulting on so many levels would be an understatement.  It may seem difficult for someone hundreds of miles away to put a cloud over your normal holiday frivolity.  But Mother certainly tried.

The funny thing was that Abby and I just made it into another one of our Far From Normal tales.  We did not allow the gift to put a damper on our day and still laugh about our dyslexic/anorexic Mother!

Leave a Reply