Pizza Boats Ahoy!

You may be thinking that the earlier visit from Aunt Marty in which she and my mother ended up staying at a local motel would have been quite enough for my sister and I. However, when my niece Fiona graduated from high school, my sister Lindy thought it would be nice to send Aunt Marty an invitation. We both assumed she would not be able to attend. When she called to say that she would fly out only if she could get a very cheap flight, we figured we were home free.

Two days later, she announced that she was able to locate the ticket (some number costing $100 and requiring her to stay with us a minimum of fourteen days). My sister called me frantic about her visit, and we agreed to split the time equally.

Once Aunt Marty arrived, she began to take charge of my niece’s graduation party. She went to the supermarket with my sister and ordered her to put back most of the items in her cart.

We can get all these things much cheaper at Aldi’s.

she proclaimed in a very loud voice. It’s amazing: both she and our mother Mary have voices that can project the length of a football field.

Somehow my sister managed to get what she needed without making  a stop at Aldi’s. Once the big day arrived, Lindy had planned to have her house clean and everything ready, but there was nothing doing with Aunt Marty. She decided to make several salads including her famous Taffy Apple Salad. Of course, all of these salads required completely messing up my sister’s kitchen. My sister kept asking:

Are you finished?

and Aunt Marty kept replying:

Pretty soon.

When the guests began arriving, the kitchen was still a disaster. Aunt Marty began moving around outside and offering her salads to everyone. She told them:

There wouldn’t have been any food if it wasn’t for me.  I made all the food.

My sister was furious with Marty since her statement had some big problems with the truth. Aunt Marty was not done making my sister mad. After the friends left and our family was sitting in my sister’s living room, Aunt Marty started discussing coffee.

Wouldn’t some coffee taste great?

she asked. Aunt Marty kept mentioning the coffee, which she knew was unavailable at my sister’s. Finally, my sister asked who wanted coffee and she made a run to McDonald’s for several cups.

Next it was my turn to have Aunt Marty at my house. She actually was not horrible. She was much easier to have around than my mother. She did insist on making something called Pizza Boats which had grease dripping from every part of the “boat.” Oh yes, she also copied each of her amazing recipes into my special cookbook without asking. I can now re-create Taffy Apple Salad, Pizza Boats, and a coffee cake made out of any rotting fruit you have in your refrigerator.  Which one would you like me to share?

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