The Second Holiday Cooking Disaster

I have a friend who says she misses her mother so much around the holidays because her mother made forty different kinds of cookies each year!  I can barely describe forty kinds, let alone get the ingredients and make them.  Anyway, it was in that spirit that I announced to Lindy,

I am making chocolate crack.

Lindy asked what that was, and I told her a little bit about the steps.

They seemed relatively easy…at the time.

Peanut butterYou may be wondering why I would attempt another unknown recipe so soon after the 12 Layer Cake fiasco.  The answer is that I am an eternal optimist.  I always think things will turn out for the best, and besides, this recipe seemed simple enough.

First I took a cookie sheet and covered it with parchment paper.  I should have known right there: nothing good ever comes from covering a cookie sheet. Next I crushed two cups of potato chips. I wasn’t sure if they meant to crush two cups or if you were to have two cups once done.  I did the two cups after crushing–which turned out to be, in Martha Stewart’s words, a good thing.

The next step was to melt creamy peanut butter and water–which I was perfectly capable of doing.  Then add cream and set aside.  Melt 60 ounces of milk chocolate–which is a lot of milk chocolate!  Add the potato chips to the chocolate and then spread it on the cookie sheet.

Chocolate CrackAfter that, take the peanut butter mixture and lay dollops of it on the chocolate.  Pour caramel ice cream topping over the top. Now comes the difficult part: taking a table knife cut through the chocolate, peanut butter and caramel stuff.

Unfortunately, my dollops of peanut butter ended up looking like dog food, and cutting through them didn’t make them look anymore attractive.  Once I finished slicing, the recipe suggested putting the chocolate crack in the refrigerator for thirty minutes.

Since our garage is very cold, I decided to take the cookie sheet out there. While doing that, the chocolate and peanut butter dog food piles suddenly started slipping off the paper and going to the floor!  By the time I got to the garage, there was chocolate crack everywhere.  The only saving grace was that the garage is very cold, and the chocolate crack froze on contact.  Those parts could be easily picked up in a clump and thrown away.  Not so for my kitchen floor, which I will mop as soon as I get through writing this.

Lucy RicardoI always want to be Martha Stewart, but I end up being Lucy Ricardo in the candy factory. After cooling the chocolate crack, I attempted to break it into small pieces. We already know that the 160 servings was not in the cards due to the large amount of spillage. Breaking did not go well since the ice cream topping was still gooey. I managed to break the sheet of chocolate into about 40 pieces.  Now I have to soak my Christmas sweater which is covered in splotches of chocolate crack.



  1. I understand. More than you can possibly know.

  2. Abby Adams says:

    The sticky chocolate crack (which some members of my family and friends are calling Chocolate crap) is still sitting in my refrigerator. Any ideas on what I should do with it?

  3. It sounds really good (I read the recipe after reading about your difficulty making it). Personally, I would eat the rest of it.

    • Abby Adams says:

      You are absolutely right! I took it to church on Sunday and it was a big hit. In this case, it was not the recipe but instead “operator error.”

Leave a Reply