You can lead an ass to water…..

Mother absolutely, positively hated technology. She talked incessantly about her need to purchase a typewriter and wondered why my sister and I went into hysterics. We tried to explain to her that typewriters were a thing of the past but she refused to accept it. She would say:

Just you two smart asses wait and see. I’ll show you both!

TypewriterWell, wouldn’t you know it. One day when I was visiting at her apartment, she showed me a mail order catalog with a typewriter. I tried to explain to Mother that it would be difficult if not impossible to get ribbon and other necessary items to keep the machine up and running. Mother, never one to accept (or even acknowledge) reality, started in with her bitching and screaming.

Why don’t you want me to be happy? Why do you always try to rain on my parade? I want a typewriter and you can’t stop me from getting one!

Sound a bit like Veruca Salt from ‘Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory‘?

As tempting as it was at times to reply:

Dammit, yes. You have figured out my master plan, my sole reason for living…each and every day I awake and turn to thoughts of how to prevent you from being happy.

it seemed like that would be counter-productive considering Mother’s state of mind.

So, being a teacher, I decided I would give her a lesson on my laptop computer. Mistake number 1,289,793! Over I went with good intentions to demonstrate how much easier a computer was to use. Of course, you know that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and Mother became the student straight from Hell!

She threw a fit with swearing, yelling and out of control behavior. Her final threat was that if I didn’t take the computer out of her apartment, she would throw it at me.

Needless to say I made a hasty retreat and took the computer with me. Mother never did get her beloved typewriter and I never tried to teach her how to use a computer again. Her behavior at the age of 88 was just as bad as I remembered it from years before. I guess once a wild ass, always a wild ass!

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