Boots and the Three Faces of Eve

Whenever my mother came to visit me in Arizona, I knew something unusual would happen. On one particular occasion, Mary drove over with her friend Bernie. Bernie was actually normal. She had normal hair, normal weight, and a normal personality.  It was shocking how normal she was. Anyway, once I got over asking myself what […]

Happy Holidays Fat Ass!

Mother was the queen of insults. She never kept her opinions, no matter how hurtful, to herself.  In a similar vein, you may understand the workings of her mind when she decided one of the best gifts she could send to Abby and me was Fat a charming product called Fat Buster’s Tea. Now Abby […]

Keep Your Mitts Off the Oranges!

Our mother loved to get new ideas for the holidays from Good Housekeeping and Better Homes & Garden magazines.  She never followed the directions, making weird substitutions if she didn’t have certain ingredients or didn’t like the list of mandatory requirements. One year she learned about pomander orange clove balls.  They were rather expensive to […]

Les Miserables or Les Magnifique?

For those of you following our story, you may take pity on us or think how unlucky we have been. You might even be tempted to think of our lives as a modern-day version of Les Misérables. Nothing could be further from the truth. Abby and I had some rather miserable experiences but we also […]

The Exchange Queen

Every year, prior to Christmas,  Dad would go out with Lindy and me and select something lovely that he thought Mary might condescend to wear.  We would return home with joy, delighted with our purchases. Then we would wrap the marvelous gifts. Christmas morning every year was the same thing.  “I don’t like it,” or […]

A Christmas Pageant

As children, Lindy and I attended church at the Cleveland Avenue Methodist Church.  We were just about the only kids who showed up every week with no adults.  We enjoyed the Sunday School and often stayed for the church service.  One Sunday it was announced that there would be a Christmas pageant on a special […]